- my current thought process is jumbled and congested and disjointed.
- i don't feel like proof-reading and finessing today.
For those reasons, and because...
- at 5pm yesterday I gave up on life.
- then, at 7pm, I decided to give it another go.
- and then at 9pm cried "Lord, I just need you!"...while on the potty...because those 2 hours of giving it a go again was more than I could handle.
- I've given up on life approximately 73 times in the past 2 weeks.
- and, interestingly enough, only cried about 3 times.
- and, I've toyed with the idea of getting a cat, of all things.
- and my ovaries have been really mean to me.
- and I feel like I've had more disappointment than should be legal for one life-time.
- and I probably couldn't form a coherent thought if my life depended on it.
I blog in point form. I blog in point form about where I am right this minute...and where I've been and where I want to be.
- though I've given up on life approximately 73 times in the past 2 weeks, I've also been given reason to un-give up.
- that reason has nothing to do with fulfilled dreams or favorable circumstances and everything, only everything to do with a person who most people these days believe to be a myth, a fairy tale, a fantasy, a crutch for weak people.
- a person who most people these days ridicule and even hate.
- which I think is really funny considering they claim to believe He is a fairy tale.
- but I've met Him.
- I know Him.
- I love Him.
- and I know that there are others who claim to have had the same experience who tend to make Him about them... like them.
- that makes me sad because it gives the fairy tale people reason to hate and misunderstand and be angry.
- but, I know that when I am in the depths, He is there. He finds me there. And He gives me what I need to un-give up.
- I know that He is the only reason there is to un-give up. The only one that really makes a difference, anyway.
Because of that...
-though I gave up again at 6:53am, I un-gave up at 7:05.
- and giving up becomes harder.
-and un-giving up becomes easier.
- until it is no longer an option.
- and when it is, it won't be because I have money in the bank or a dream job or a man or ovaries that no longer hate me, but Because of Him. Only Because of Him.