Monday, March 22, 2010


- writing in point form is so much easier than doing it the "right way" with all the grammar rules I don't really understand.

- my current thought process is jumbled and congested and disjointed.

- i don't feel like proof-reading and finessing today.

For those reasons, and because...

- at 5pm yesterday I gave up on life.

- then, at 7pm, I decided to give it another go.

- and then at 9pm cried "Lord, I just need you!"...while on the potty...because those 2 hours of giving it a go again was more than I could handle.

And, because...

- I've given up on life approximately 73 times in the past 2 weeks.

- and, interestingly enough, only cried about 3 times.

- and, I've toyed with the idea of getting a cat, of all things.

- and my ovaries have been really mean to me.

- and I feel like I've had more disappointment than should be legal for one life-time.

- and I probably couldn't form a coherent thought if my life depended on it.

I blog in point form. I blog in point form about where I am right this minute...and where I've been and where I want to be.


- though I've given up on life approximately 73 times in the past 2 weeks, I've also been given reason to un-give up.

- that reason has nothing to do with fulfilled dreams or favorable circumstances and everything, only everything to do with a person who most people these days believe to be a myth, a fairy tale, a fantasy, a crutch for weak people.

- a person who most people these days ridicule and even hate.

- which I think is really funny considering they claim to believe He is a fairy tale.
- but I've met Him.

- I know Him.

- I love Him.

- and I know that there are others who claim to have had the same experience who tend to make Him about them... like them.

- that makes me sad because it gives the fairy tale people reason to hate and misunderstand and be angry.

- but, I know that when I am in the depths, He is there. He finds me there. And He gives me what I need to un-give up.

- I know that He is the only reason there is to un-give up. The only one that really makes a difference, anyway.

Because of that...

-though I gave up again at 6:53am, I un-gave up at 7:05.

- and giving up becomes harder.

-and un-giving up becomes easier.

- until it is no longer an option.

- and when it is, it won't be because I have money in the bank or a dream job or a man or ovaries that no longer hate me, but Because of Him. Only Because of Him.

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