Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Still on Psalm 42

Over the past couple of years, the Lord has fairly consistently used this Psalm to minister to me. I remember the first time, it was through the Hymn "As the Deer", which based on Psalm 42. My friend Julie was playing it for me and I just broke.

This morning, it happened again. I decided to re-listen to a message by C.J. Mahaney titled "The Troubled Soul". It was from the last New Attitude conference and his text was Psalm 42. Near the end of the message, he encouraged us to do as the Psalmist and pray God's promises back to Him and say "You have promised this, now do as you have promised." This led me to think of times when God did just that...made good on His promise. It led me to think of times when, suddenly, the impossible happened...when He made a way where there was none...when He changed what I thought was unchangeable. I thought of my first New Attitude. I went, weighed down by my desire for a particular relationship. I had resigned myself that it would never be...and that I would just have to deal with the disappointment and hurt and feelings of rejection that were sure to be with me for a very long time. Then, on the way home God just said "It's done." And it was. It really was.

Later that year, God also did something I thought was, up until that point impossible. He changed my eating habits over night. My entire life, practically speaking, I'd been a glutton and years of this sinful practice led to my being morbidly obese. I thought my weight was an insurmountable obstacle. I thought my eating habits were unbreakable. But God...

One day, I was eating half a pan of peach cobbler and the next I had no desire for sweets or nachos and was eating like a "normal" person. I lost about 100lbs in a little over 1 year.

Then I fell off the wagon...and it has been a slow, painful, discouraging road trying to catch up and hop back on.

But this morning, listening to yet another reminder of Psalm 42, feeling that panting and thirsting after God rise up within me again, I have hope. Change is going to come. God is going to move. He has promised to restore, to revive, to make whole, to heal all my diseases, and cleanse me of all my sins. He will do what He has promised...again!

Still on Psalm 42

Over the past couple of years, the Lord has fairly consistently used this Psalm to minister to me. I remember the first time, it was through the Hymn "As the Deer", which based on Psalm 42. My friend Julie was playing it for me and I just broke.

This morning, it happened again. I decided to re-listen to a message by C.J. Mahaney titled "The Troubled Soul". It was from the last New Attitude conference and his text was Psalm 42. Near the end of the message, he encouraged us to do as the Psalmist and pray God's promises back to Him and say "You have promised this, now do as you have promised." This led me to think of times when God did just that...made good on His promise. It led me to think of times when, suddenly, the impossible happened...when He made a way where there was none...when He changed what I thought was unchangeable. I thought of my first New Attitude. I went, weighed down by my desire for a particular relationship. I had resigned myself that it would never be...and that I would just have to deal with the disappointment and hurt and feelings of rejection that were sure to be with me for a very long time. Then, on the way home God just said "It's done." And it was. It really was.

Later that year, God also did something I thought was, up until that point impossible. He changed my eating habits over night. My entire life, practically speaking, I'd been a glutton and years of this sinful practice led to my being morbidly obese. I thought my weight was an insurmountable obstacle. I thought my eating habits were unbreakable. But God...

One day, I was eating half a pan of peach cobbler and the next I had no desire for sweets or nachos and was eating like a "normal" person. I lost about 100lbs in a little over 1 year.

Then I fell off the wagon...and it has been a slow, painful, discouraging road trying to catch up and hop back on.

But this morning, listening to yet another reminder of Psalm 42, feeling that panting and thirsting after God rise up within me again, I have hope. Change is going to come. God is going to move. He has promised to restore, to revive, to make whole, to heal all my diseases, and cleanse me of all my sins. He will do what He has promised...again!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Vision...maybe?...sorta?

I've never really ever had a vision. There have been a handful of moments where a strong mental picture effected me profoundly. If you choose to call that a "vision"...I'm ok with that. Suffice it to say, though, I use the term "vision" pretty loosely and guardedly.

This morning, my alarm went off and I hit snooze because that is what you do when you aren't sure you really want to wake up. Then, I fell asleep again. Five minutes later, the alarm went off again and I, instinctively, reached for the snooze button. In that moment, I saw myself...only myself about 3 years ago. I was wearing my favorite "thinner me" outfit, and my sassy, flippy hairdo...I looked really cute. But that is immaterial. So, I saw "thinner me" and she held out her arms like to hug me and said "What are you doing?"

Even now...I'm so choked up, I can't speak and if I were to really dwell on that question, I would likely start sobbing.

"What are you doing?"

What I am doing is about the opposite of what "thinner me" was doing three years ago.

That is the opposite of good.

But...though there is grief that comes with that provocative question, there's also hope.
Hope for change. For a second chance. And for a future...one "thinner me" thought we'd be living in right now.

It is my prayer that, whenever we get there, she...and the Lord...will be pleased.

Vision...maybe?...sorta?

I've never really ever had a vision. There have been a handful of moments where a strong mental picture effected me profoundly. If you choose to call that a "vision"...I'm ok with that. Suffice it to say, though, I use the term "vision" pretty loosely and guardedly.

This morning, my alarm went off and I hit snooze because that is what you do when you aren't sure you really want to wake up. Then, I fell asleep again. Five minutes later, the alarm went off again and I, instinctively, reached for the snooze button. In that moment, I saw myself...only myself about 3 years ago. I was wearing my favorite "thinner me" outfit, and my sassy, flippy hairdo...I looked really cute. But that is immaterial. So, I saw "thinner me" and she held out her arms like to hug me and said "What are you doing?"

Even now...I'm so choked up, I can't speak and if I were to really dwell on that question, I would likely start sobbing.

"What are you doing?"

What I am doing is about the opposite of what "thinner me" was doing three years ago.

That is the opposite of good.

But...though there is grief that comes with that provocative question, there's also hope.
Hope for change. For a second chance. And for a future...one "thinner me" thought we'd be living in right now.

It is my prayer that, whenever we get there, she...and the Lord...will be pleased.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Quote

No matter how dark the sky, how discouraging the circumstances, how desperate the situation, God is there--a God who is too good to forgetand too great to fail. God is there, his mighty arm ruling this universefor him, redeeming all who will let him, and reinforcing any who respondto him in faith and obedience! -- Leo Green

Quote

No matter how dark the sky, how discouraging the circumstances, how desperate the situation, God is there--a God who is too good to forgetand too great to fail. God is there, his mighty arm ruling this universefor him, redeeming all who will let him, and reinforcing any who respondto him in faith and obedience! -- Leo Green

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Psalm 42

"Why are you cast down, oh my soul, and why are you in turmoil wittin me? Hope in god for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my god!"

Yesterday we had a rehearal for the first service in our new building. We were there not just to run through the songs we planned to do, but to give the sound and video techs a chance to do one last test of the system before the big day. During our rehearsal I caught a glimpse of myself on the big screen behind the altar and...was...disgusted and embarrassed and ...for the first time in a long time ...nervous about being up there in front of every one.

I was also even more discouraged about this losing battle Ive been in with my weight. Which is a bigger problem than my vanity.

So, after a quick run through this morning, I sat...sad...on a day that should be exciting and full of rejoicing...and turned to my bible for help.

Psalm 42 was what I got.

"I say to god my rock, why have you forgotten me? Why do I go mourning? Because of the oppression of the enemy?"

And he says to me:

"why are you cast down...? ...hope in god...!"

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The day I became a photographer (and I use that term very loosely).

I'm a single gal. I like my job ok. I'm not a big social butterfly. And, I don't have a significant other. I don't even have a pet, so finding a fun and fulfilling hobby is almost necessary for survival in this cold, cruel and lonely world. Some join book clubs or take cooking classes or biking...me, I chose photography. Or, rather, it chose me.


I remember it like it was yesterday. I went to the zoo with the kiddos and was snapping away at all the cute things they were doing when, without warning, my attention was drawn to a beautiful fountain. There were frogs and goddesses and nymphs and spouting water (which any fountain worth it's salt should have). For a moment, I stopped making the kids stop mid-play to pose and just took in the beauty of the fountain. I pulled the camera closer to my face, stepped backwards, and began angling the camera and myself to get just the right visual on my LCD. Then...I snapped. It was almost instinctive. Like a cub is born to stalk and pounce, I was born to shoot.


I think Bruce Springsteen has a song about that.


Anyway, I took my camera home, plugged it in and saw this:


I never regarded my camera the same again. From that point forward, it was with me always. Every moment of every day was a potential photo op. I was on a constant quest to find pretty things to shoot..

and keep myself out of as many pictures as possible. (mwah, ha, haha, ha!)

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Psalm 20

May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble!
May the name of the God of Jacob protect you!
May he send you help from the sanctuary
and give you support from Zion!
May he remember all your offerings
and regard with favor your burnt sacrifices!

Selah

May he grant you your heart’s desire
and fulfill all your plans!
May we shout for joy over your salvation,
and in the name of our God set up our banners!
May the LORD fulfill all your petitions!
Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he will answer him from his holy heaven
with the saving might of his right hand.

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They collapse and fall,but we rise and stand upright.