When it comes to weight-loss, there are two things I am afraid of:
1. Gaining it all back.
2. Excess skin.
For these reasons, and the desire to truly repent of (or turn from) gluttony for good, certain "quick fix" or radical yet fast methods just are not an option for me. I know a few people, personally, who have done the shakes, taken the pills, or had the surgery and are happy with their result. However, I also know a few who gained the weight back and had pretty severe and unexpected side-effects. On top of all of those reasons and concerns, rapid weight loss on someone my size will generally mean excess skin. Depending on the severity, looking "normal" after weight loss could require surgery...or just never wearing shortsleeves again.
Regardless, whenever I think about weight-loss plans, I quickly decide that a quick-fix (though appealing on account of the quick part) is just not for me.
I've been over weight for over half my life and I know I can't undo all that damage, all those habits and motives and reflexive responses overnight...or even over a month or a year. Certainly, God can...and to me, if I'm going to rely on something external to force change upon me I want that something to be God. I want that change to be real and complete and permanent. No one and no-thing besides Him can promise that.
And, that is why, all these months as I've been struggling with gluttony and all of the emotions that go along with it...I resisted my knee-jerk response to just make a plan and make it happen.
On the surface, that may sound like a cop-out or just plain lazy or even like a license to remain in sin. It wasn't. First, I believe that whatever does not proceed from faith is sin...and for me to just grab the bull by the horns, so to speak would have exhibited faith in no one but myself. Second...I had no faith in myself. I got into the mess I was in precisely because I Can't Do This on my own. Finally, I know that my issue with food is sin, and the only one with power over sin is God. He needed to come in, change me...my heart, my thoughts, my desires, my want to's...and give me what I needed to overcome. Without that, no matter what I tried, I would crash and burn.
So, I waited. Sometimes, I cried out in agony, begging God for help. Other times, I prayed and confessed that I had no faith, or that I really just wanted nachos or that it would be awesome if He could just instantly make it all better or make it easy or make me thin.
I try to keep it real with the Lord, too. ;)
And, after a few low-points, some key teachings at church and more consistent prayer...He answered. I broke spiritually in response to God's call to give Him my all...again. I left that encounter different, hopeful, ready for whatever God had for me!
Then, later that night, I broke down again over my frosty...
(To Be Continued.)