It's been a long time coming.
Just before Katrina, I hit a plateau. Though I was eating as I should, the numbers on the scale just froze. Then the storm came and I was displaced for months. I was well cared for by family and work...but I had to make due with what was being made available in the food department. Compromises were made. Then I began to compromise just because I could. When I got home and started being surrogate mommy to my nieces and nephew...I began what I call "mommy eating"...whatever the kids want because its easier. I tried to be sensible...but carbs is carbs and my body just takes those two slices of pizza and sticks on on either side of my hips. No matter how sensible I tried to be in my portion sizes, I began to suffer headaches again and feel sleepy soon after meals. It wasn't fun...especially when I had to care for and entertain the kids.
So, I began to pray specifically for faithfulness, regardless, to what the Lord had called me to do in regards to my eating. The Lord said "Start walking." So...after a while, I did. I continued to make bad choices in the food department. I prayed even more fervently. The Lord said, "Fast twice a month." So...with a friend, I began that. I continued to pray, beginning each morning with "Today's the day." Each afternoon I felt defeated in some way. So I went to the Lord again. He said, "Set aside an extra 20 minutes each morning to pray for others." So I did. And after a couple of weeks, I realized I wasn't eating the things I can't and I wasn't eating more than I needed and I wasn't really thinking about food much at all. It was almost like it was when the Lord and I first turned this corner nearly 2 years ago.
When I first began this, and saw the faithfulness of the Lord and how radically He'd changed me in this area...overnight it seemed...I thought that was how it would be the whole way through and by this time I'd be a normal weight and crossing my legs and shopping in the regular sizes and moving on to the next big thing he had for me. I didn't think about the physical reality of plateaus or foresee Hurricane Katrina or becoming part-time mom to my nieces and nephew. I also didn't see how those things would take a bit of the edge off of my joy and make everything harder. I didn't think about the reality that God gives ease...and He takes it away sometimes, too.
I have no doubt that the first year was a gift...one designed to display His glory AND to sustain me through this time. No matter how defeated I felt or how many whispers the enemy hissed into my ear that I was going backwards or stuck or whatever, I had that year to reflect on and remember that what He started He will finish. What remains to be done has already been done...both in the unseen and in the seen. Where I stopped is sort of a half-way point. So what remains, the Lord and I have already accomplished. We just need to do it one more time. Only, this time, I know there will be an added twist. This time, I am called to endure...through temptation and stress, I am called to stand...regardless of what life looks like, how strong the tempation is, or how slowly the numbers on the scale move. Now is the time to stand and fight the good fight the Lord has placed me in. And, by His grace, stand I shall!