Thursday, January 19, 2012
Day 50 - Choices
Night before last, I was coming off of 2 days of migraines, I was tired, I was "done" in every way. The last thing I wanted to do was go home, cook, and wash dishes. So, though I'd made good food choices all day, instead of sticking with that trend and going to McDonalds for a salad or Wendy's for a chili, I went to Burger King...and ordered an obscene amount of food. I exceeded my daily calorie allowance in that one meal. Then, later, I walked to the corner store for a bag of chips and some chocolate...just for good measure.
All of my good choices throughout the day...toast...moot...worthless.
Or were they?
That night, as I sat there, feeling ridiculously full from my feast, emotionally cornered by my failure (again), anticipating a killer carb migraine, feeling zero ability or motivation to do anything but just go with this life of gluttony and laziness, I had a decision to make. I could just resign myself to this, these habits, these feelings, and in a sense, define myself by this meal OR I could look at the good choices I DID make that day and believe that tomorrow I could make more.
I chose to believe. I chose to have hope. I chose life.
I went to bed praying that tomorrow would be different, believing that the Lord would meet me in that desire and I would find the strength to make good choices.
Fast-forward to 8pm the next night...
After a short jog on the treadmill, I logged on to the computer and input my food for the day and, hallelujah, I was under my calorie goal. I did it! I changed my mind. I chose to believe. I got through a day without bad choices and could go to sleep with no regrets.
I didn't FEEL like making good choices. I didn't FEEL like eating a salad for lunch. I didn't FEEL like jogging. But I did. More than that, I didn't let my FEELINGS rule the day. I made a choice. I did the next right thing. And, today, I'm in a better place. I'm more likely to make a good choice than a bad one. I'm stronger for fighting through the feelings, for choosing hope and the next right thing in the face of ZERO motivation. I took a step and pray that this step, this choice will lead to more and more and more.
I may fail again. I likely will. But, today, I choose...to hope...to believe in the God to whom I pray...and to believe in me, and I like that feeling. :)