Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I've never really ever had a vision. There have been a handful of moments where a strong mental picture effected me profoundly. If you choose to call that a "vision"...I'm ok with that. Suffice it to say, though, I use the term "vision" pretty loosely and guardedly.

This morning, my alarm went off and I hit snooze because that is what you do when you aren't sure you really want to wake up. Then, I fell asleep again. Five minutes later, the alarm went off again and I, instinctively, reached for the snooze button. In that moment, I saw myself...only myself about 3 years ago. I was wearing my favorite "thinner me" outfit, and my sassy, flippy hairdo...I looked really cute. But that is immaterial. So, I saw "thinner me" and she held out her arms like to hug me and said "What are you doing?"

Even now...I'm so choked up, I can't speak and if I were to really dwell on that question, I would likely start sobbing.

"What are you doing?"

What I am doing is about the opposite of what "thinner me" was doing three years ago.

That is the opposite of good.

But...though there is grief that comes with that provocative question, there's also hope.
Hope for change. For a second chance. And for a "thinner me" thought we'd be living in right now.

It is my prayer that, whenever we get there, she...and the Lord...will be pleased.

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