Wednesday, November 30, 2005

400 pound reminder

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.—So we do not lose heart.

This morning’s Daily Light started with yet another reminder of what the Lord has been saying to me…that I should seek after Him and be satisfied in Him. It actually used the verse I used in my post the day before: One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.—He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent empty away. He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.
I can’t hear or read the word “Satisfied” and not think of food, and thus the journey the Lord has taken me on in dealing with the sin of gluttony in my life…and all He has done.

With these thoughts on my mind and fresh gratitude on my heart, both for what has been done and the faithfulness of the Lord to keep His truth at the forefront of my mind these past few days, I got a reminder of a different kind. A 400+ pound reminder.

I had just re-read Daily Light and closed the screen to begin work when a new employee walked in, or rather, hobbled in. As she got closer, I could actually feel the floor vibrating. I looked at her and was filled with compassion and had to choke back tears. I could imagine what she must be thinking and feeling as she surveyed the narrow isles, chairs with arms and saw that her appointed spot was on the “bad” end of a row (meaning she’d have to squeeze past 2 other people to get to it). I know because I have thought and felt those very things. I have known the feeling of “not fitting”, the embarrassment, the loneliness of being the only one of my kind and some sort of oddity that others don’t know how to respond to.

As I choked back the tears and tried to smile and be as welcoming as I could, I couldn’t help but think “but for the grace of God there go I.” But for the grace of God intervening in my life…that would be me. But for His grace I would never have changed. I wouldn’t have even attempted to begin this for fear of failure. I wouldn’t have been able to stop consoling myself by stuffing myself. I wouldn’t know that freedom from sin is far better than freedom to sin…and sin…and sin some more…till it hurts…till you can’t breathe…till you’re sick…till you wake up and find you are in that place, have become that thing, you never thought you’d be.

But for your grace
I could not be saved
But for your grace
I would go my way
I’m forever grateful
That you have been faithful
To me Lord
For your amazing grace.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.—So we do not lose heart.

So I do not lose heart, He continues to remind me of who He is...that "he who hath led will lead"...that what He has begun He will complete...that He is ever faithful and kind. How kind it was of Him to do this for me, at the time He did. It was very kind of Him, indeed, to begin this before Katrina, and living the life of an evacuee, having to take a bath (i.e. fitting in a bathtub), sit in a chair with arms, navigate narrow rows of desks and climb four flights of stairs when we go back home.

So. Very. Kind.

Lord, let me not forget all you’ve done. Let me not slack in showing gratitude through obedience. And let me not forget that it is all you…for you…by you…through you. Help me also to seek opportunities to share what you have done. I pray specifically for this woman, trapped in sin. If she knows you, reveal her sin and lead her to freedom. If she does not, reveal yourself and your truth to her that she may have a way of escape, both from the eternal and temporal consequences of sin. Reveal yourself in love, and make her crooked paths straight. Do for her what you have done for me…for your glory. And make me willing to be used…or not…to whatever degree you desire.

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