Ye shall know that I have not done without cause all that I have done, saith the Lord God. (Ezekiel 14:23)
JOY is the lesson set for some,
For others pain best teacher is;
We know not which for us shall come,
But both are Heaven's high ministries. -- Susan Collidge
Once upon a time there was a blog named "FinallyFreeInHim". It was created by a woman who had a testimony...a testimony of freedom. See, for years prior to the blog's creation, this blogger was in prison. This prison was not one of concrete and bars and bullet-proof glass but it was prison just the same. Her bricks and mortar were fear, gluttony, pride, and hopelessness and her cell was constructed in protest against the hand life...God...had dealt her. Within the cell, she was in charge. Though a doomed fate might be her's she was going to take and do and fill herself with whatever she could here and now...and shed as many indignant tears as she liked.
Then there was light...
This light flooded the cell, strewn with the remnants of self-pity and self-gratification, revealing her refuge as a prison. The light also cut through the mess...the sin and shame...and pointed to a way out, to the true refuge.
She reveled in her new life. For the first time, she felt loved, she felt accepted, she felt hope. But it wasn't long before her thoughts, her motives, her goals and priorities began to creep in, making her refuge seem darker and colder than it had been, until she felt alone again, with only fear and gluttony and pride and hopelessness to comfort her.
That blogger is me, if you haven't already figured that out. That is my story...sorta. But, that is not the end.
Over the past few months, I've wrestled with how to address my failure and sin. I made my testimony public. I made great claims and believed God had completely delivered me from gluttony and despair. My current situation begs to call someone a liar, but the truth is I am a sinner and God has been pleased to humble me...and He gives grace to the humble.
I don't, and can't, know more than that.
Except perhaps that the Lord has promised to give me "a hope and a future" and that He is no liar. And that He is good...and knows the plans He has for me...and that nothing that has been was done/allowed without cause. He's also shown me that he has called me to do nothing more and nothing less than surrender all that I am to Him and His ways.
Here's hoping for grace upon grace...and a life more surrendered today than it was yesterday.