Thursday, June 30, 2005
From today’s Daily Light...
“Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline.”
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.”—As a father the son in whom he delights.—He wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal.—Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you.
Last night I was approached by a woman who has been struggling with her weight for quite some time. A mutual friend of ours had told her about the success I’ve had in this area this past year and thought it would be good for us to talk.
I am not sure she liked what I had to say.
She opened with the same question everyone else has asked me…”So tell me what you’re doing.”
They mean, of course, “which magic plan are you following so I can follow it to?”.
That is what we have been conditioned to believe in…the plan, the food combinations, the magic calorie/fat gram/carb number…in some cases, even the pill or (more drastically) the surgery. My answer is not so simple and formulaic.
It starts with correction. Correcting the view that this is a health issue or a societal issue or a motivation issue or even a willpower or self-control issue (which it is, but not the way typically thought).
I am overweight because I have made a habit of eating sinfully. I am overweight because for years I was a glutton. Gluttony is still a sin. It didn’t cease to be such with the advent of the fast food restaurant…and God still hates it. But just realizing and acknowledging that isn’t the cure-all or magic step to weight loss. Though it is a start…the real change takes place when we let that knowledge have its proper effect.
Head knowledge of sin doesn’t do me much good if it doesn’t humble me before my God and convince me of my need of Him.
I knew gluttony was a sin. I knew it displeased God. I knew my very presence in a room was the equivalent of a billboard promoting sin. Knowing it didn’t get it done. Typically this knowledge would just lead me into condemnation and more gluttony. How and why it changed, I don’t know except to say consistency in seeking the Lord allowed the Holy Spirit to move me from condemnation to humility and then to the starting block which is repentance.
The word repent means to turn away from. No true change is possible unless you turn from one thing to another, better, thing. I can’t stop being a glutton if I am still walking down Gluttony Boulevard. I have to turn on to Self-Control Lane…and that is only possible by the power of and grace of God.
The word self-control even, is a bit of misleading word because I have come to know more and more that the discipline that is a part of my life now has nothing to do with “self” and is only there because it was put there by the Lord. Even the change from condemnation to humility was the Lord’s doing. I can take no credit.
And I give no credit to the plan I follow or the amount of exercise I do or anything else either.
I was reading a post on a website about Weight Loss Surgery. It is touted as a miracle…the solution to obesity. It makes me very sad because all it does is make very skinny gluttons….it doesn’t deal with the sin that causes obesity and one doesn’t have to do much more reading on these sites to see the truth of that.
As I read, this verse came to mind:
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty. (Zechariah 4:6)
I then heard it this way:
Not by might, nor by a plan or pills, starvation or surgery, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty!
As I shared with my new friend, I could tell she was somewhat disappointed by what I said. I believe she was looking for a step by step process to freedom. She is right to want that…but I can’t give it to her or anyone else. I didn’t come up with this for myself. The Lord, who knows my frame and knows the most secret things of my heart has set this course for me…and it will be different for everyone else…except for the beginning. Each will HAVE to begin with repentance…and with being motivated by glorifying Him alone, no other motivation no matter how good it seems will be enough. In that posture, they can then commit their way to Lord and He will indeed direct their steps.
“Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline.”
And I am SO glad! Who better to correct and discipline than the one who has numbered our days and set for the steps we will take?
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jer 29:11)
Oh that we would all trust the Lord with the planning of our lives...seek only to glorify Him and allow Him to direct our steps!
Oh that I would more and more each day!!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Before and...um...half way?
I was a member of another church for nearly 7 years. The Lord spoke to me on February 2, 2002 and told me “It’s time.” I knew exactly what that meant and began the painful process of grieving and leaving the place that had been the center of my world for so long. I have kept up with a few people, but have basically stayed away for the past 3 years. It was too hard, especially during the first year, to be there and the temptation was for me to keep one foot in the door so to speak. I knew that wasn’t what the Lord meant when He moved me on…so I had to literally leave the old place and cleave to the new.
The Lord has more than blessed the sacrifice…and that really was what it felt like…by giving me a true love for my new church, its people and ministries. And he has done all of that without diminishing the love I have for my first church home. For that I am truly thankful.
I was able to go back and visit this past weekend and had been looking forward to it for a while. I sing with a group that ministers at nursing homes in the city, and our group was asked to play at a fellowship my old church was having. I went expecting to be greeted with many warm welcomes…big hugs, excited questions about how I was and other sentimental things. What I didn’t expect was that some people wouldn’t recognize me.
Since I left I have changed quite a bit. The Lord has done a work of intense sanctification in me (which mostly feels like He has barely scratched the surface). Consequently, habits and patterns of sin have been dealt with…one of which was my gluttony. Since July 19, 2004 I’ve lost about 85 lbs. Though the numbers on the scale are way different, I’ve been through a few clothing sizes and had to push my car seat up quite a bit, I don’t see major dramatic changes in my physical appearance. But then, I see me everyday. There were a few people I had to say my name to before they realized who I was…many other double takes…and a few more “Oh my goodness! I didn’t recognize you!”'s. I even got a couple of “You look gorgeous!”’s.
I just simply wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting anything more than a few people saying “I can tell you’ve been losing weight.”
Despite all that, I still don’t see a huge dramatic difference on the outside…see:
December 2003
The Lord has more than blessed the sacrifice…and that really was what it felt like…by giving me a true love for my new church, its people and ministries. And he has done all of that without diminishing the love I have for my first church home. For that I am truly thankful.
I was able to go back and visit this past weekend and had been looking forward to it for a while. I sing with a group that ministers at nursing homes in the city, and our group was asked to play at a fellowship my old church was having. I went expecting to be greeted with many warm welcomes…big hugs, excited questions about how I was and other sentimental things. What I didn’t expect was that some people wouldn’t recognize me.
Since I left I have changed quite a bit. The Lord has done a work of intense sanctification in me (which mostly feels like He has barely scratched the surface). Consequently, habits and patterns of sin have been dealt with…one of which was my gluttony. Since July 19, 2004 I’ve lost about 85 lbs. Though the numbers on the scale are way different, I’ve been through a few clothing sizes and had to push my car seat up quite a bit, I don’t see major dramatic changes in my physical appearance. But then, I see me everyday. There were a few people I had to say my name to before they realized who I was…many other double takes…and a few more “Oh my goodness! I didn’t recognize you!”'s. I even got a couple of “You look gorgeous!”’s.
I just simply wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t expecting anything more than a few people saying “I can tell you’ve been losing weight.”
Despite all that, I still don’t see a huge dramatic difference on the outside…see:
December 2003
June 2005
But, I am grateful for the kindness of the Lord in giving me glimpses of what others see…and for allowing me to see what He has done on the inside. That part is the most dramatic and most important to me…that is what will last…what is of eternal consequence.
I hope people see that as clearly, too....and give all the glory to the one to whom it is due.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Hmh!
I get off at 11:30am on Fridays. It is wonderful.
Well, I have been working on a deadline all day and got to a stopping point just now, with about 15 minutes left to go. I usually straighten up my desk with that time...but it was pretty straight, so, I decided to read today's Daily Light.
This is what it said...
The ark of the covenant of the Lord went before them three days' journey, to seek out a resting place for them.
My times are in your hand.—He chose our heritage for us.—Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness; . . . make your way straight before me.—Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.—In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.—Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.—As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.—“The Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.”—Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
I can't imagine a better devotional thought for today. It pretty much covers everything I've had on my heart, everything the Lord has been stirring and bringing to the surface in my life these last couple of weeks. (A view of the archives of this blog will bear that out, I am sure)
He is so sovereign and faithful...and the thoughts in this devotion echo something I heard today while listening to one of Alistair Begg's messages on the Book of Ruth: "God says you take care of my things and I'll take care of your things."
And take care He does...always.
Lord help me to remember that the next time I am confronted with with my inability to take care of my things. Remind me of your inconceivable capableness (is that even a word?) and purposefulness in each reminder of my need of you. Remind me of how you have proven faithful every time before and that no matter how tenuous my grip may seem on this life you've given to me that you have a plan...and part of it is a greater loosening of my grip and surrendering it to you all the more.
Well, I have been working on a deadline all day and got to a stopping point just now, with about 15 minutes left to go. I usually straighten up my desk with that time...but it was pretty straight, so, I decided to read today's Daily Light.
This is what it said...
The ark of the covenant of the Lord went before them three days' journey, to seek out a resting place for them.
My times are in your hand.—He chose our heritage for us.—Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness; . . . make your way straight before me.—Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act.—In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.—Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it," when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.—As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.—“The Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.”—Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
I can't imagine a better devotional thought for today. It pretty much covers everything I've had on my heart, everything the Lord has been stirring and bringing to the surface in my life these last couple of weeks. (A view of the archives of this blog will bear that out, I am sure)
He is so sovereign and faithful...and the thoughts in this devotion echo something I heard today while listening to one of Alistair Begg's messages on the Book of Ruth: "God says you take care of my things and I'll take care of your things."
And take care He does...always.
Lord help me to remember that the next time I am confronted with with my inability to take care of my things. Remind me of your inconceivable capableness (is that even a word?) and purposefulness in each reminder of my need of you. Remind me of how you have proven faithful every time before and that no matter how tenuous my grip may seem on this life you've given to me that you have a plan...and part of it is a greater loosening of my grip and surrendering it to you all the more.
More from "Amma"
I love this poem by "Amma" (Amy Carmichael). I have to call her Amma because she is that dear to me, though I've never met her...though she died before I was born.
I woke up at 4am this morning and had some time to read a bit in A Chance to Die...I wish I'd brought my journal here so I could share the bit that got me choked up this morning. But, this poem really sums up who she was...what she strived for...and is always a huge encouragement to me to press on no matter what things look like. Even on days like today when things look good...hopeful...when I am thankful and in humble awe before the kindness of God. I think it is always good to remind myself that those realities, those realizations are not just for me to bask in...but to fuel me to His service...to further surrender to Him!
From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher
From silken self, O Captain, free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
(Not thus are spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified)
From all that dims Thy Calvary
O Lamb of God, deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod;
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
--Amy Wilson Carmichael
"...Now walk in it."
We had a ladies retreat about a year ago. I knew that we'd be afforded time to get alone with the Lord, so I went prepared with a list of things we needed to discuss. Things I wanted to get a specific word on...hoping that the atmosphere and quiet would allow me to hear better than I had as I prayed at home. When that time came, I took out my list and prayed and prayed and listened and listened. After a couple of hours I was about to give up. Frustrated, I basically said to the Lord "I'm here...I'm doing my part...Say something!"
What He said was..."I have spoken. You know what is required. Now walk in it."
Not the answer I was looking for...but the one I needed.
All along as I'd been praying (and not hearing "this is how this is going to go" or " this is the next step you need to take to get closer to that thing you want") it seemed the Lord was continually telling me to "Be still and know that he is God." Of course, I didn't see it that way until that day at the retreat. I saw it as silence...and I didn't like it. But what the Lord was telling me was, faith is required. Contentment in today is required. Obedience to what He HAS said is required. I am to walk faithful, obedient and content in today and let Him handle tomorrow...and the next 5 years.
"Walking in" what I know was what yesterday was all about for me.
The area of sin and lack of faith that was exposed was in the area of my finances. After the initial revealing, I could look back and see that the Lord had been tapping me on the shoulder, so to speak, about this for some time ... and I ignored it. This was the slap on the hiney to get my attention.
It wasn't that the Lord had said "don't do this or stop doing that." But I did have moments of conviction that I successfully justified and moved past. The Lord had done a major work in this area a year or so ago...my giving quadrupled, I always had more than enough and felt very blessed. But since I started losing weight...I started liking buying clothes in smaller sizes...actually liking trying new things on...and I liked it a bit too much. I wasn't extravagant in that I went to expensive stores and spent $200 a pop or anything like that...but I definately bought more than I needed and at times made unwise choices.
I knew it was something of an issue and did mention it to those I am accountable to...but I am not sure I really realized the real sin of it, and therefore did not repent...and did not walk the way I knew the Lord wanted me to in this area.
After all was said and done yesterday, I sat here thinking about the whys and wherefores. Prior to last year, my finances were wholly a mess and the Lord allowed me to set them straight with Him alone. Why did He chose to do it this way...things weren't really that bad. What I heard was "...to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more."
I had to look it up to make sure it was scripture...it was ... Luke 12:48.
The Lord has given me much...financially, socially, and in ministry...he has also given me much of Him. Thinking about that makes me realize that He has consistently chosen to do that through my sin...through exposing my sin...through my being open about what He exposes and how He deals with it. That is amazing to me! While in the first moments, the exposure of sin makes me feel just that...exposed...naked before God and man...there has also consistently been blessing beyond measure and the encouragement and accountability and motivation I need to continue to "walk in it."
What He said was..."I have spoken. You know what is required. Now walk in it."
Not the answer I was looking for...but the one I needed.
All along as I'd been praying (and not hearing "this is how this is going to go" or " this is the next step you need to take to get closer to that thing you want") it seemed the Lord was continually telling me to "Be still and know that he is God." Of course, I didn't see it that way until that day at the retreat. I saw it as silence...and I didn't like it. But what the Lord was telling me was, faith is required. Contentment in today is required. Obedience to what He HAS said is required. I am to walk faithful, obedient and content in today and let Him handle tomorrow...and the next 5 years.
"Walking in" what I know was what yesterday was all about for me.
The area of sin and lack of faith that was exposed was in the area of my finances. After the initial revealing, I could look back and see that the Lord had been tapping me on the shoulder, so to speak, about this for some time ... and I ignored it. This was the slap on the hiney to get my attention.
It wasn't that the Lord had said "don't do this or stop doing that." But I did have moments of conviction that I successfully justified and moved past. The Lord had done a major work in this area a year or so ago...my giving quadrupled, I always had more than enough and felt very blessed. But since I started losing weight...I started liking buying clothes in smaller sizes...actually liking trying new things on...and I liked it a bit too much. I wasn't extravagant in that I went to expensive stores and spent $200 a pop or anything like that...but I definately bought more than I needed and at times made unwise choices.
I knew it was something of an issue and did mention it to those I am accountable to...but I am not sure I really realized the real sin of it, and therefore did not repent...and did not walk the way I knew the Lord wanted me to in this area.
After all was said and done yesterday, I sat here thinking about the whys and wherefores. Prior to last year, my finances were wholly a mess and the Lord allowed me to set them straight with Him alone. Why did He chose to do it this way...things weren't really that bad. What I heard was "...to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more."
I had to look it up to make sure it was scripture...it was ... Luke 12:48.
The Lord has given me much...financially, socially, and in ministry...he has also given me much of Him. Thinking about that makes me realize that He has consistently chosen to do that through my sin...through exposing my sin...through my being open about what He exposes and how He deals with it. That is amazing to me! While in the first moments, the exposure of sin makes me feel just that...exposed...naked before God and man...there has also consistently been blessing beyond measure and the encouragement and accountability and motivation I need to continue to "walk in it."
Thursday, June 23, 2005
A Painful Kindness
Ever have those moments when you feel like "I don't know whose life I'm living...but this can't be mine!!"
I had one of those yesterday.
I will spare you all the details...but the Lord chose to reveal an area of sin and lack of faith in a fairly public way and for a few hours there I was reeling from it.
I woke up several times in the night fretting and then praying myself back to sleep. When I went to take a shower, I noticed I didn't start singing as soon as the water came on (which I usually do). I was reminded of the verse I read the day before ... Proverbs 17:22 - "A Joyful Heart does good like medicine." So I endeavored to be joyful. This was a kindness. It was kind of the Lord to not let me stay where I was...and to give me sufficient motivation to submit to His ways. So I sang and cried a bit in the shower.
And it hasn't stopped. I had to confess...ask forgiveness...and seek the Lord on how proceed...how to get where He intends this to go. I know He has an intention...and that it is good, even if it feels shameful and icky right now.
I am also comforted in knowing that the kindness of God is softer than the hardness of men...that His mercy is new every morning...and His grace knows no end.
I had one of those yesterday.
I will spare you all the details...but the Lord chose to reveal an area of sin and lack of faith in a fairly public way and for a few hours there I was reeling from it.
I woke up several times in the night fretting and then praying myself back to sleep. When I went to take a shower, I noticed I didn't start singing as soon as the water came on (which I usually do). I was reminded of the verse I read the day before ... Proverbs 17:22 - "A Joyful Heart does good like medicine." So I endeavored to be joyful. This was a kindness. It was kind of the Lord to not let me stay where I was...and to give me sufficient motivation to submit to His ways. So I sang and cried a bit in the shower.
And it hasn't stopped. I had to confess...ask forgiveness...and seek the Lord on how proceed...how to get where He intends this to go. I know He has an intention...and that it is good, even if it feels shameful and icky right now.
I am also comforted in knowing that the kindness of God is softer than the hardness of men...that His mercy is new every morning...and His grace knows no end.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Free In Him?
It just occurred to me that people coming to this site might see all these posts about failings and sin and think that the title of the site is a bit of a misnomer. It might also cause friends of mine who have heard me go on and on about how great things are right now to doubt my sincerity and wonder what sins I am hiding under the floor of my tent. And…of course, it could also be thought that I just want people to think I am all holy and without sin.
I assure you…the reality is none of the above.
So... let me clarify a bit…at least for the sake of my own mind.
The site is called Free in Him because, well, that is what I am. I have been a Christian since 1994 and up until a year or so ago, I wouldn’t have categorized myself as free. In fact, I was just the opposite. I believe my conversion was genuine…but due to ignorance and lack of accountability I was virtually powerless against my sin-nature. Because of the Holy Spirit I was immensely convicted, read: miserable, but because I enjoyed being miserable at the time, conviction alone wasn’t quite enough to get me to seek help. I cried out to the Lord to take the stuff away…and his answer was "no". So rather than press in and ask for help another way, I suffered in silence. Finally, in His mercy He led me out of where I was. The sin areas that kept me a prisoner for so long…that kept me in a perpetual state of condemnation…are no longer a part of my life. He has changed me…and my wants…I am not the same…I am free.
Yet I am not done.
The shackles that fell off were just the beginning. They had to go so that the Lord could deal with the real issues…the root sins that caused the other stuff…the ick that lurks in my heart. Daily I am reminded of the darkness there and my need of Him. Daily I am given opportunities to conform to Christ…to choose His way over my own…to think on what is good and true…to speak words of life…to endeavor to reflect His gospel. And daily I am made more aware of my need of Him…that nothing good dwells within me…that anything that even gives a whiff of Him is all of grace.
So all the talk of failing and sin is a result of being humbled before the Lord in the face of what He exposes in my heart…of the bad motives lurking behind my good intentions…of how much my life of sin cost Him.
It is also partly because of others. The Lord has been so gracious to allow me to walk along side many people. Six months ago that was not the case. A year ago life was all about me and my problems…but the Lord intervened and now my friendships are deeper and richer and more plentiful than ever. There are a few of my friends that are struggling…that have been beating their head against the same brick wall with little more than a headache to show for it…and that grieves me. I don’t mean to imply that they are making no effort…not praying…not desiring the Lord to intervene or even habitually and purposefully sinning. For the most part they are doing all they know to do…its just that all of that tends to look like the equivalent of beating your head against a brick wall. It could just be that I am impatient in general and want to see them free sooner rather than later…but really I just want to see them free! I want them to have what He has given me. I don’t understand why He hasn’t…but I also know He intends this time of struggle for their good and that His timetable and mine are not the same.
So sin…its effect…God’s power over it…life after victory is on my mind a lot these days.
I am reminded of something my pastor said this Sunday…”God has put boundaries around sin and has kept it from destroying what He has created!”
He also said “We cannot trust God with eternity and not with the Day to Day.”
So this day, I chose to be thankful for my friends…for how the Lord is using their struggles in their life and in mine…for how He may use my struggles in theirs…for the freedom He has given and His never ending grace…that no matter how bad things may look, God has set boundaries on sin…and for the story of Glory He is writing even now!
I hope that clears things up!
I assure you…the reality is none of the above.
So... let me clarify a bit…at least for the sake of my own mind.
The site is called Free in Him because, well, that is what I am. I have been a Christian since 1994 and up until a year or so ago, I wouldn’t have categorized myself as free. In fact, I was just the opposite. I believe my conversion was genuine…but due to ignorance and lack of accountability I was virtually powerless against my sin-nature. Because of the Holy Spirit I was immensely convicted, read: miserable, but because I enjoyed being miserable at the time, conviction alone wasn’t quite enough to get me to seek help. I cried out to the Lord to take the stuff away…and his answer was "no". So rather than press in and ask for help another way, I suffered in silence. Finally, in His mercy He led me out of where I was. The sin areas that kept me a prisoner for so long…that kept me in a perpetual state of condemnation…are no longer a part of my life. He has changed me…and my wants…I am not the same…I am free.
Yet I am not done.
The shackles that fell off were just the beginning. They had to go so that the Lord could deal with the real issues…the root sins that caused the other stuff…the ick that lurks in my heart. Daily I am reminded of the darkness there and my need of Him. Daily I am given opportunities to conform to Christ…to choose His way over my own…to think on what is good and true…to speak words of life…to endeavor to reflect His gospel. And daily I am made more aware of my need of Him…that nothing good dwells within me…that anything that even gives a whiff of Him is all of grace.
So all the talk of failing and sin is a result of being humbled before the Lord in the face of what He exposes in my heart…of the bad motives lurking behind my good intentions…of how much my life of sin cost Him.
It is also partly because of others. The Lord has been so gracious to allow me to walk along side many people. Six months ago that was not the case. A year ago life was all about me and my problems…but the Lord intervened and now my friendships are deeper and richer and more plentiful than ever. There are a few of my friends that are struggling…that have been beating their head against the same brick wall with little more than a headache to show for it…and that grieves me. I don’t mean to imply that they are making no effort…not praying…not desiring the Lord to intervene or even habitually and purposefully sinning. For the most part they are doing all they know to do…its just that all of that tends to look like the equivalent of beating your head against a brick wall. It could just be that I am impatient in general and want to see them free sooner rather than later…but really I just want to see them free! I want them to have what He has given me. I don’t understand why He hasn’t…but I also know He intends this time of struggle for their good and that His timetable and mine are not the same.
So sin…its effect…God’s power over it…life after victory is on my mind a lot these days.
I am reminded of something my pastor said this Sunday…”God has put boundaries around sin and has kept it from destroying what He has created!”
He also said “We cannot trust God with eternity and not with the Day to Day.”
So this day, I chose to be thankful for my friends…for how the Lord is using their struggles in their life and in mine…for how He may use my struggles in theirs…for the freedom He has given and His never ending grace…that no matter how bad things may look, God has set boundaries on sin…and for the story of Glory He is writing even now!
I hope that clears things up!
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